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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

But WHEN, for gods' sake?`

Livia has just returned from a pleasant holiday lunch with her two best friends. No, really. Livia does have friends after all. But she digresses. Charming as the interlude was, Livia must report a somewhat unsettling exchange with the waiter:
Livia: Please, where is the ladies' room?
Waiter: See that mirror over there? It's gonna be right to the left of it.
Pardon? You mean it's not there now? Does it just drop in from time to time? Is there any predictability as to its presence or absence? And "right to the left"? Which is it, for heaven's sake? Inasmuch as her query was not prompted by idle curiosity, dear hearts, imagine Livia's consternation. Exactly when is it "gonna be" there, please?

Please note that rooms within buildings generally have fixed positions, particularly rooms set aside for ladies who wish to retire for a few moments. They stay put, in other words. This sort of intellectual and elocutionary laziness will not be tolerated, loveys. You have been warned.

LIVIA DRUSA

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Alas, another example of the restaurant-future tense, as in, "the chef's special is going to be broiled halibut and it's going to be served with a lemon butter sauce." Yecch! Can I get you guys anything else?

CHarvey said...

Anonymous is absolutely right. It seems as though diligent and well-meaning servers in restaurants everywhere have agreed that the only way to adequately dramatize the menu is to describe each item in the future tense. It is annoying. I love a great meal and love going out to eat, but for drama, I prefer to rely on teenage vampire novels, bad tv and of course, a semi-weekly perusal of tabloid headlines.