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Friday, November 30, 2007

Items must fit comfortably

Airport security may or may not have improved recently, but the luggage has definitely gained some respect. I am a frequent business traveler, and time is usually in short supply for me, so I try to avoid checking luggage. Accordingly, I carry on my bag(s). You may know that carry-on luggage must be limited in size these days, as it has always been, in respect of limited storage space on airplanes.

In an airport, any airport, one can now find convenient gauges of luggage size. These gauges aid you in your decision as to whether you will be mildly aggravated (by your own luggage) by carrying on, or whether you will be completely aggravated by "checking." These gauges are boxes crafted from metal tubes to represent the outer barrier of overhead compartments.

So far, not annoyed by grammar. I'll take this opportunity to point out that the violators of the size limitation for carry-on luggage are sloths, traitors, and anti-human in the worst ways. I'll also point out that by the time I reach the airport, I have already tried to avoid checking my luggage by my packing choices, so the gauge is of little help to me.

Here comes the annoying part: the sign over the gauge. It states, in relevant part, that "...items must fit the box below..." [item: noun; a single article or unit in a collection, enumeration or series.]. Only a sentient being can be comfortable. Many sentient beings cannot verbalize their comfort, or lack thereof, as evidenced in spectacular fashion by my dog, Otto. Unless those airline folks have developed some higher sense of consciousness (which they must be using every effort to conceal), luggage cannot notify us as to whether or not it is comfortable. I don't speak luggage, but, again, I am not in the airline business.

I should be clear about one thing: I am grateful to those in the security roles at the airports as I do believe they have my personal safety as their primary concern. It is the folks writing this stuff that are the targets of my ire.

Airport annoyances--to be continued.

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